‏‏Welcome to Stellar Life Podcast! Today’s guest is somebody who’s very near and dear to my heart. It’s my sweet husband, Stephan Spencer. In his professional life, Stephan is a world-renowned SEO, author and speaker. But in his private life and in his podcast, Stephan likes to talk a lot about transformation and spirituality. This is his passion and part of his calling in the world, but he’s mostly known for his SEO and marketing. I’m excited to talk to you and share with you about his transformation and he is going to share some extraordinary nuggets of wisdom with you. Hello, Stephan.

‏‏Hi, my love.

‏‏Welcome.

‏‏Great to be here. Thank you for having me.

‏‏Thank you. So we’re sitting here in San Diego. Actually, the Airbnb, we are at Traffic & Conversion Summit, and we’re recording from one mic. It’s probably not going to be the best of quality, but the information is what’s important. Welcome! Why don’t you share a little bit about yourself?

‏‏Okay. I’ve been doing SEO (Search Engine Optimization) for 22 years now. I’ve done it for a long time. I was studying for PhD in Biochemistry before that, and I dropped out and started a company. That was pretty scary, but at that time, I figured, why not? I didn’t really like the track that I was on and wanted to make a big shift. The internet was really heating up at the time, and I wanted to ride that wave.

‏‏What did people call it at that time? The internet?

‏‏The internet or cyberspace.

‏‏Cyberspace. That does sound so sci-fi.

‏‏I remember meeting one of the early pioneers of the internet at a conference, and met Rob McCool. Have you ever heard his name? He is the guy who invented Apache, the web server that powers most of the internet. I met him at a conference then I’m like, “Wow.” And I heard of Netscape, because he was working in Netscape at the time. I never heard of it before. I decided I needed to ride this wave, and within three months, I dropped out of my PhD.

‏‏Right. Since then you were a geek most of your life. When I say geek, ladies and gentlemen, you have to see his before and after, we’re actually going to have it in the show notes, where he looks completely different. He looked like one of the geeky people that nobody ever dress them, super skinny, like nobody ever fed you. I would probably not be attracted to you, if you didn’t have your transformation.

‏‏Yes, that’s true.

‏‏You were married for 18 years, and then what happened? How did you start your path of transformation?

‏‏If you know the boiled frog metaphor, you slowly turn up the heat. If a frog is in a pot of water, the frog will not recognize that it’s in water that’s increasing in temperature until it’s too late, and then it’s going to be boiled to death. I was basically in that situation where I did not realize that my vitality, my youthfulness, etc., was slowly draining away. It was almost like my subconscious intentionally chose that because I was married to a woman who was 16 years older than me, and I felt self-conscious about being mistaken as her son, so I let myself go. I didn’t realize until after the marriage ended what I did to myself unintentionally.

‏‏You made yourself look older.

‏‏Much older, 20 years older.

‏‏And also feel older.

‏‏Yeah. It took an extreme situation for me to wake up. My wife at that time told me that she’s going to file for divorce, and I was very surprised by that.

‏‏And devastated.

‏‏Yeah. It was a hard time for me. I went into depression for a while. Being so geeky and socially awkward, I did not have the skills or the tools to find any dates or have a social life. I went 2 ½ years without a single date.

‏‏That was horrible.

‏‏It was. I don’t think I would’ve had any success if I did have any dates. I don’t think that I would have had the ability to attract women of high calibre because I was on a low vibration myself. It took going to Tony Robbins event, walking on 2000 degrees hot coals.

‏‏Wait a minute before we tell them that. It wasn’t only the physicality. When I watched videos of you from back then, when I first saw a video of you from back then, I was so shocked because even in your mannerism, your body language, your voice, everything was so insecure, almost, almost like stuttery, the way you were speaking. The shift is tremendous. How did you decide to go to a Tony Robbins event?

‏‏There were three different people who suggested to me that I go to a Tony Robbins event. They didn’t invite me, they weren’t going. They just said, “You need something. You’re just not in a good place.” One, you know her, she’s in the SEO community, Jessica, and then there were two people who were in a CEO group that I was in. I figured, okay, I’m getting these three different random people telling me I need to go to a Tony Robbins event. Like an infomercial guy or something. Alright, whatever, I’ll just go.

‏‏Yeah. He’s huge. He’s like 6’7’’. I signed up, and what an amazing gift. I felt like I was finally alive and awake and empowered to be in control of my own destiny.

‏‏Why don’t you tell us about the fire walk? What was it for you? You felt like you’re back in time for that moment. What was the challenge from where you were to crossing that fire?

‏‏The metaphor for my life was just being paralyzed by fear. I’d always worn glasses, for example, because I was too afraid to get Lasik when I had my eyes operated on.

‏‏When you went there and you were at that moment, you in the fire, what was going through your mind?

‏‏Because Tony conditioned us for five hours prior to that, I was in a state of absolute certainty. I knew that I wouldn’t get burned, I knew that I could totally do this, and I just saw this as a rite of passage. I was not in a place of insecurity, fear or uncertainty at all.

‏‏And what happened to you?

‏‏This was the catalyst for me to completely reboot my life. It was as if the training wheels had been taken off, and I was able to ride anywhere. Two weeks later, I got Lasik surgery and no more glasses. I had a hair transplant two months after that. I would have been terrified. I would never have done that without having that fire walk. It wasn’t just that I was able to walk on the 2000-degree hot coals, it was that not only could I accomplish that, I didn’t even get a blister, let alone burned. I thought, “Wow, anything’s possible.” It’s almost like I defied physics. If I can do that, I can do anything. And then I changed my diet. I started working out. My mindset completely shifted, too. 

I started taking a lot more self-development and personal development courses. I signed up at Unleash the Power Within for Business Mastery, and then I went to Business Mastery 2. These are all Tony Robbins events. Then, within a year, I was going platinum in Tony’s Platinum Partnership program. I was traveling the world, meeting all these amazing people, meeting even billionaires. It was amazing. The internal changes were greater than the external changes, and yet it was truly amazing to go to conferences. People hadn’t seen me for a number of months. They didn’t recognize me. They literally did not recognize me. They didn’t know who I was. I had to reintroduce myself. “Oh my God, Stephan?” They would drag me and say, “Oh my God. I got to show you off to everybody. Look at Stephan! This is Stephan Spencer?” It was pretty funny.

‏‏It’s completely different.

‏‏I held myself differently. I stood differently. Because I also not only went to Tony Robbins programs, I was learning from Neil Strauss, and that gave me a whole lot of set of skills and traits that I could use for self-confidence. I wasn’t planning on becoming a pick-up artist, but he was renowned for his book on pick-up called The Game. Peacocking, and style, fashion, and all that stuff that I never paid attention to before because I guess I was just terrified to be misidentified as my wife’s son.

‏‏For somebody who’s listening right now, and maybe they just experienced a break-up, they’re not happy with their body. They’re not happy with something in their life, what would be your advice for them to take on so they can start their transformation journey?

‏‏You need to be shaken up, woken up because it’s really hard to do it on your own without some sort of external outside influence to tip the balance, to change the equilibrium. For me, it was the fire walk. For some people, they go to a seminar, and they walk on broken glass, and they don’t cut their feet, or they use a wooden arrow, walk into it, position on their threat, and it shatters, and it doesn’t hurt their throat, or they’re breaking a board with their hands. Whatever the paradigm is, it’s a metaphor for breaking through, for making a huge shift.

‏‏I’ve done all of those things. I broke boards, I walked on glass, I broke an arrow.

‏‏With the throat, you know.

‏‏But for me, the most impressive shift was the fire walk. It almost seems like doing that really extraordinary thing. It seems like the first time is the most powerful time.

‏‏Yeah.

‏‏And then when you just stop there, it’s like, “Oh, I walked on fire. I probably can walk on glass, break boards, and break an arrow with my neck.” It’s powerful.

‏‏My guess is that if you started one of the other ones, that would be the most powerful because that would be the paradigm shift for you. It doesn’t have to be at a Tony Robbins seminar. Maybe he doesn’t resonate for you, then go to a different seminar, but something that will shake you up, whether it’s landmark, forum, or new kicks, or whatever it is, something that is motivational, inspiring, and gets you tools, gives you strategies. It’s a lot about shifting your mindset. Tony talks about being in charge of your own state and having strategies. If I didn’t have any of that, I would just be flying blind.

We sometimes underestimate the power of mentorship because there are the things we know we know, the things that we know we don’t know, and the things that we don’t know we don’t know. That’s why we always go to conferences. We’re always exposed to new knowledge because that new knowledge is in our blind spot. It’s a peak into what’s out there that we didn’t know we didn’t know. What happens is you change your external appearance? What else has changed for you?

‏‏My mindset, the way I held myself, the way I thought about myself. I felt more youthful and vital. If you looked at my pictures from 2007, 2008, and 2009, right before my transformation, I looked probably 50. And then, shortly after that, I looked like I was in my 30s. That was pretty cool.

‏‏Yeah. Saving 20 years. Pretty cool.

‏‏Benjamin Button and people used to tell me at conferences, “Every time I see you, Stephan, you look younger and younger.” I just heard that today.

‏‏You’re welcome, baby.

‏‏You keep me young, for sure. Maybe the stem cells are helping, too.

‏‏Couldn’t you just give it to me? You had to say the stem cell, huh?

‏‏It’s all you, baby.

‏‏You just did the stem cells three weeks ago. It can’t be the stem cell.

‏‏No, it’s pretty cool, though, when I keep hearing that. I didn’t really do anything further. It’s just me living a vital, intentional life.

‏‏What is the first thing that somebody who’s listening should do? Or like a tool for transformation? Something that they can do to help them shift?

‏‏To control your state more. Let’s say that you’re feeling down, depressed, or disheartened. You recognize that your body posture is facing down, your shoulders are slumped, and your eyes are looking down. It’s just this is the posture of somebody who is depressed. If you want to feel better, sit up straight, or stand up straight, look up and smile, because even if you don’t feel like smiling and you just force yourself, fake it ‘till you make it, you get interactions with people where they’ll smile back, or they’ll start a conversation with you, they’ll be friendly with you. Whether it’s the gas station attendant or the person at the register at the grocery store, you get that feedback, and then you actually start to really live that, and you believe that you’re more happy, proactive, and in control of your destiny.

Just be mindful of your body posture and how you show up in the world, and start making some shifts. That’s one thing. Another is to start learning some modalities like Chi-gang, yoga, or something so that you can get into a regular routine of healing and maintenance. For me, when I started getting a personal trainer because I wouldn’t go to the gym on my own, but I was paying money and had to show up or pay anyway, I started going to the gym regularly, and then it started showing up how I held myself, how I looked, how I felt about myself.

‏‏You’re talking about a shift in your physiology. You talked about when you’re upset, change your physiology, get up, stand up, change your physique because if you think about what somebody said, everybody in the world, no matter what culture they’re from, will adapt the same physiology. Sad looks sad in Kenya, Saudi Arabia, and England.

‏‏Yeah, it works the same.

‏‏Because it’s the physiology, we adapt. When you change that physiology and you open it, your shoulders go back, your head goes up, and this informs your brain we are feeling differently. If you’re feeling a really bad state, get up, get out of the couch, go for a walk, go to the gym, do yoga, or do something to help you with changing your state. Also, for what you said about yoga and exercise, they did an experiment where they put people that are depressed on Prozac, and another group, the prescription was exercise. Three months later, as far as the release of serotonin and mood change, the groups achieved the same things. It’s just that one was depending on Prozac, and one group was depending on exercise.

‏‏Yeah, much healthier. Yup. There has been studies that show when you smile, it releases brain chemicals that make you happier. It’s like fake it ‘till you make it, and it really works.

‏‏Another level of transformation that you experienced was the spiritual transformation. How did that happen? And what was the before and after?

‏‏Yeah. I felt this was my bigger transformation, even though if people can point to the physical transformation, the before and after, and say, “Wow. Completely different people, Stephan. That’s amazing.” I feel so much prouder of my spiritual transformation. I was agnostic my whole life because I was raised by a Jehovah’s Witness and a Catholic, that’ll mess you up. That’s pretty crazy.

‏‏I don’t know anything about Jehovah’s Witnesses and Catholicism because I was born in Judaism. Why will it mess you up? You keep saying that. I keep hearing you say that. It sounds funny. I don’t know why it would mess you up.

‏‏Catholics believe in the Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, or the Holy Spirit. Jehovah’s Witnesses believe that Jesus was a man and not God, that there is no trinity, and that you can’t take blood transfusions because it’s blood from another person. I forgot the spiritual reason or religious reason. You’d basically have to choose to die if you needed blood and you couldn’t use your own blood. I remember being a kid having to have my appendix taken out, and they had taken blood from me before the procedure, before the surgery, so that they could use that during the surgery.

‏‏Oh my God!

‏‏Because my grandmother was a devout Jehovah’s Witness. She’s not getting anybody else’s blood.

‏‏Oh my God. Okay, that was messed up.

‏‏I thought it was all bunk. I thought all the religions.

‏‏All religions are bad. I don’t believe in anything, then what?

‏‏Then I went to India.

‏‏You went to India after your physical transformation.

‏‏Yes. In 2010, after going through a lot of physical and mindset changes over the course of almost a year, I decided to join Platinum Partnership, which is Tony Robbins’ elite program. Very expensive but very high-end, awesome, incredible, and life-changing experience. There are four trips a year that you could go on. They were themed, it was incredible. One of those trips was a spirituality intensive and we went to India. We brought in Oneness monks from Oneness University, which is over by Chennai in Southern India. We received Deekshas, which are Oneness blessings. They put their hands on your head and pass divine grace through them into you. I have received Deekshas at other Tony Robbins events, like Date with Destiny before. They’re cool. It felt good.

‏‏Never from monks.

‏‏No, actually, from monks on a couple of other Platinum Partner trips.

‏‏Okay.

‏‏There was one in Mexico. I forgot where it was, but I did receive an Oneness blessing from a monk before, but this was different. This was out of this world. It was extraordinary. Everything showed up as technical. I felt this incredible peace and connectedness to the creator. I was agnostic or almost atheist. I’m a scientist. This is all bunk. I realized that I cut myself off from everything and everybody. We’re all connected, and miracles are everywhere and I just wouldn’t see it until I had that awakening experience. I went outside. I felt this deep sense of peace. I went outside after receiving this Deeksha. I remember looking at the grass and it was the brightest, most brilliant green I’d ever seen in my life. It was like watching a cartoon in technicolor and seeing the grass. I don’t know how to describe it other than that. The thing was in technicolor and I had this deep sense of peace and connectedness, and I knew that I was reunited.

‏‏Reunited.

‏‏Reunited. I had cut myself off and I finally woke up and realized that I don’t have to be that way.

‏‏What if the old version of you was here in the room listening to this story? What would he think?

‏‏What drugs is he on? I don’t know. It would have been a pretty incredulous response.

‏‏You never had even a cup of coffee in your life.

‏‏I never had a cigarette, never done drugs, I don’t drink alcohol, or hardly ever. I might have a few glasses of something over the course of a year.

‏‏Not even a few, a few sips.

‏‏I don’t enjoy it. I’m very protective of my brain.

‏‏Yes, because you’re a genius.

‏‏Thank you, baby. This was an incredible turning point in my life. I started having conversations with my divine. I started really delving deep into spirituality. I signed up for another Oneness event. That one was the one that you went with me. But we hadn’t met when I went to India. This was two months prior to our meeting. Two months later, I’m at Date with Destiny, which is Tony Robbins’ event that I think is the very best event. He does great events. This was our Date with Destiny, where we met. You know the story, I prayed for you to show up after writing my relationship vision. I connected with my divine, and I asked for this woman, this relationship, this soulmate to show up right away.

‏‏I didn’t have it because I pre-ordered him 24 hours prior. And then thank God for rising the occasion and being ready to meet me. Thank you. Let’s go back to transformation. Going back to transformation and the idea of finding God. What is finding God?

‏‏In Kabbalah, it’s like dialing God. God’s everywhere. If you get on a higher vibration, then you’re in a receptive place. I do my morning connections every morning and so forth. If I’ll go to some sort of spirituality intensive or something, it really jumpstarts and takes me to whole other level. Like when we went to Oneness University in January of 2013, that was just an incredible experience. I felt like I had a permanent shift in my brain. The Oneness monks say this, the awakening. Not on awakened state, but actual awakening where it’s permanent and it’s a physical change to your brain. I feel like I went through that at Oneness.

‏‏Makes sense. Would be interesting to see your brain scans before and after you went to Oneness University. But I’m talking about the idea of God. For somebody who doesn’t believe in God, or maybe haven’t felt God in a while, how can they get closer to that idea? To feeling that energy? What is that energy?

‏‏The Oneness monks talk about God being an experience, not a belief. You could read about God, or you could take courses or whatever. I don’t think that’s going to really do anything. It really is just putting yourself in a place where you can have an experience. Whether that experience is with, or with Quakers, or whatever.

‏‏Hugging a tree.

‏‏Yeah. In an environment where you’re predisposed to having an awakening experience.

‏‏I always saw God as a loving being, but my biggest transformation, I guess, when it came to God was when we did the God meditation, which I actually included in my Seven-Day Challenge, and God was this loving being, cradling me, in my case, it was her arms, and it was beautiful to connect to God that way. You mentioned Kabbalah, what is Kabbalah?

‏‏It’s a mystical branch of Judaism. When I had my first exposure to it, I didn’t know anything about it, I just knew that it was somehow involved with Judaism, and this was my first foire into that religion so that I could learn more about your religion and your culture. It just was fate, it was good fortune, it was my destiny, I guess because it’s been such a profound part of my spiritual path now to be studying Kabbalah. I still get a lot out of Oneness, and it was definitely part of my path but I resonate more with Kabbalah even than Oneness. I love Oneness, and I’ll go to more Oneness things, I’m sure, but Kabbalah it speaks directly to my soul. The Oneness monks say that Oneness is like the sugar that you can add to your coffee or to your tea. It could go with Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, and Christianity. It’s compatible with all of them. It’s not one or the other. You can study Kabbalah and Oneness.

‏‏Yeah. Kabbalah is the same way. It’s ancient self-development. It’s just thousands of years old, and it’s pretty much the same, various similar things to our current modern gurus. The word Kabbalah, in Hebrew, means to receive. It’s about expanding your vessel to receive the light of the divine.

‏‏If you think about it, you have a vessel that contains the light of the creator, and you can share that light with others and every interaction. I used to try and drag my kids to Tony Robbins seminars because I thought they would really benefit and they could get the kind of awakening, and empowerment, and all that that I had. It was like pulling teeth. It was like the expression, “Drag a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” And then it finally dawned on me that I just need to be the example, the model, and that’s how they’re going to be inspired and empowered and make all sorts of life shifts.

 I just modeled the behavior that I want, be the change that you want to see in the world essentially. They really appreciate that they made bigger shifts. Yeah, I got them all three to go do the fire walk and it did really stick. One of them, my oldest, made enough of an impact that she wanted to do Date with Destiny, and she did. The other two kids were like, “Yeah, Tony Robbins.” They don’t care about going back and doing any more of his events. I thought okay, this is a big failure on my part. How did I screw this one up? And then after going through Kabbalah, I realized that I just need to be and be the higher vibration person that they can model or emulate. It works.

‏‏Actually, you didn’t do it consciously. You just become, and then you learned about it. You’re like, “Oh my God, all of a sudden, they are shifting. I guess something is different with me.” Because when you change, the world around you changes, and you teach others by your beingness, not by just telling them what to do. I think most of the powerful leaders in the world are so powerful because of their being. As they set an example with who they are and their energy, people follow.

‏‏Yeah.

‏‏What did you learn in Kabbalah that was profound?

‏‏So many, so many things. Let’s take this idea of a vessel for a second as a metaphor. How do you look at money? Let’s say it’s a penny. Do you bother to bend down and pick it up or just step over it? If you have three pennies received as change, do you throw that in the penny jar or do you keep that and you put that in your pocket? How you treat pennies is related to your spiritual beliefs. Think of a penny as a vessel and think of a million dollars as another vessel. If you think like a Kabbalist, somebody who studies Kabbalah, money is energy, and the same quality of energy is in the penny as in the million dollars. It’s just the size of the vessel is different.

It’s a much smaller vessel as the penny, but it’s still the light of the creator. It’s still energy, and if you don’t want to disrespect that amazing energy, you wouldn’t step on a penny. You would pick it up. Because it’s just a smaller vessel of the light of the creator. I started treating pennies and quarters and all that differently than I used to, I don’t just throw money into a penny jar because I don’t value it because it’s a small quantity. I look at it all as energy and light of the creator and I get more abundance in my life, more financial abundance. I’m sure that’s not a coincidence.

‏‏There’s also the idea of tithing.

‏‏Tithing. Giving 10% of your income back to charity so that you continue the cycle. It’s not the same to give money to a homeless person because they will use that money for themselves, which is not a bad thing. It’s just that it doesn’t continue the cycle, and the energy doesn’t continue to flow. The tithing should go to organizations where the energy will continue to flow, like some sort of a homeless shelter, women’s shelter, soup kitchen, or whatever it is where they’re helping a number of people, not just themselves.

‏‏Yeah. But it’s not either or, it’s both. Just when it comes to tithing and the 10%, they recommend you give it to organizations and not to individuals. But there is the idea of yes if you see somebody in need, you give them whatever you can.

‏‏Yeah. It’s just the tithing, what that means, and the 10% is to continue the flow of that energy. Because it’s a river. You’re not damming up the river so that you can keep it all for yourself. You let it to continue to flow. So it flows into your hands and out of your hands, and you get to have lots of abundance and enjoy life, and you also help those who are less fortunate than you.

‏‏The idea of the money when it comes to transformation was to see pennies and smaller amounts of money with respect and be in gratitude for that, too rather than just waiting for the big check to come. Because when you appreciate a penny, the universe will send you millions.

‏‏Here’s one really quick test to see if you fall into this trap. If you think about the same amount of money differently now than you did 10 years ago, you’ve fallen into this trap. Let’s think first a moment of $1,000. Do you think $1,000 is as valuable today as you did 10 years ago? Probably 10 years ago, you thought $1,000 was, wow, so much more money, and now, ugh, $1,000. “Times are changing, and I’m making more money these days.” That tells you that you need to see the value more energetically and spiritually. I hear this thing from Bill Gates: if he saw $100,000 laying on the floor, it would cost more money to stop and pick it up than it would be to just keep walking. That is not a spiritual way of looking at money. Money and the creation of value to get that money is a spiritual game. It really is. If you don’t see it as that, you are essentially pushing the money and the financial abundance away from you.

‏‏Beautiful. There was another transformation that you experienced, and I experienced you going through this transformation in a very smooth way. That was your sugar addiction. You don’t do drugs, you don’t smoke cigarettes, you don’t drink coffee, but you ate candy like I’ve never seen before.

‏‏Like it’s going out of style.

‏‏How did you stop this addiction and create this transformation in your life?

‏‏It started with a workshop where I learned about being intentional in everything that I do, and that was a good wake-up call but wasn’t enough. That started me on the journey where we decided to do a sugar challenge for two weeks. It was you, me, and my youngest daughter, Cassie. We did it for two weeks, and I was cheating all over the place.

‏‏I was so frustrated that I told him, “Listen, you guys, I’m not doing any more sugar challenges with you guys. Because you guys are not in integrity. Peace out.”

‏‏Yup, and you just said, “I’m going to do what I’m going to do and you guys do whatever you want.” At that time, I was in a Kabbalah class learning about restriction and suppression which are two terms that really didn’t mean anything to me prior to this Kabbalah class but it meant the world to me once I understood what those two terms meant in a spiritual dimension. 

Suppression is where you suppress or push down a desire for something that’s not good for you. Let’s say sugar, cigarettes, alcohol, or binge-watching whatever show on Netflix. It doesn’t matter. Ultimately, it’s not good for you. If it’s not part of your spiritual evolution, then why are you doing it? Suppressing it creates discomfort. You’re not feeling too good about it. It sucks your energy, it’s not fun. Whereas restriction is where you gain power and energy, and feel great about saying no to that thing that isn’t ultimately good for you or the thing that is just unconscious or unintentional or something that is more body consciousness than your spirit consciousness. 

If you’re on autopilot, you’re not restricting. If you’re just going with the flow because it feels good, you’re not restricting. I learned the difference between these two things and then, you, Orion say, “Peace out. I’m done. You guys cheat all over the place and eat all sorts of junk food, whatever.”

‏‏I was in integrity back then because if I decide to get off of sugar, I do it. That said, I ate a lot of sugar today at the conference.

‏‏Yes, you did.

‏‏Because I haven’t decided that I’m off of sugar. I’m back on sugar. It’s like we break up, we come back together, sugar and I. We have an interesting love affair.

‏‏I’m not jealous, but maybe I should be.

‏‏When I decide to do something, I go all out, and I’m very strict. Maybe it’s my army background. When I was in the Israeli army, I learned a lot about discipline. I enjoy being not disciplined but if I decide to be disciplined, I’m very disciplined.

‏‏Okay. I’m doing this for two weeks, and I’m cheating. Cassie was cheating like crazy. She is just rubbing our noses in it. Taking a picture of her eating an ice cream sundae. “I didn’t do too well with my challenge tonight.” She’s smiling, eating the ice cream sundae in the photo. You say, “Peace out.” I go to Cassie, and I say, “Did you want to do another week? I’m in if you’re in.” And then I became the leader. The inspiration came from inside. It didn’t feel like I was along for the ride. It felt like I was in charge and I was a model for Cassie and that switched me into restriction instead of suppression. With that new distinction of suppression versus restriction, restriction, you reveal light. You are a model for others. It’s an amazing thing. You’re evolving your spirituality. Suppression is just still body consciousness. It can’t wait for the agony to go away where you get to binge on whatever bad thing again.

‏‏Tonight, we had dinner with your friend, and both of you guys ordered this delicious pizza. I’m gluten-free now; for health reasons, I have to be gluten-free. I don’t have celiac. It’s because of something else. I’m dancing in between restriction and suppression. His friend asks us, “There are some good Italian places. Do you want to go?” I’m like, “No. I don’t want to go to Italian please. I’m gluten-free. Let’s go to this other restaurant that we went to before.” I forgot that we went to that restaurant when I was not gluten-free.

I forgot what was on the menu. Lo and behold, on the menu, homemade pasta, pizzas, and just a few other items. They didn’t even have gluten-free dessert. It was so freaking limiting, and the chef was so strict. He didn’t want to change anything or even create a gluten-free dessert even when I asked him. Anywho, you guys are eating those pizzas. There is a part of me that is happy that I’m not eating the gluten and it’s not going to make me feel heavy, or whatever it does to my body, but on the other hand, I was really depressed because I love carbs, and breads, and pizza. I love it! It’s not like I delight from the inside, yay! I’m not going to have this pizza or cookies. I have to do it. What would be your suggestion?

‏‏It’s tough.

‏‏When you’re eating pizza near me all the freaking time.

‏‏There are so many different levels to the spiritual game where you excel at something and then you realize you’re still at the baby steps of it. I just learned recently from one of our Kabbalah teachers, he was explaining there are two levels of restriction. There’s suppression, and then there’s restriction. But there’s another level of restriction where you do it for others because you know you’re going to affect others.

‏‏Like Gandhi when he stopped eating just to affect change in his people.

‏‏Yeah. If I’m, for example, doing this to help my daughter out, be a model for her and hopefully she’ll spread that even further, then that’s another level of restriction, and that’s even more amazing, more light revealed, etc. So maybe you could find a motivation that’s external to you and it’s not just about your health, but it’s about changing the lives of people that you love.

‏‏I’ve done it before when I had my Vibrant Body Boot Camp, which was an online program and I took the program. Back in the day, I used to be a personal trainer, and I know a lot about personal training and nutrition. When I was a personal trainer, I was in better shape than I am today because I had to model it to my clients. In that online program, I did it with them. I really practiced restriction because, for me, I have to be the leader, I have to be the example, and I have to be integrity because this is who I am. I was in top shape. I was eating better. What would be your suggestion? Find people that are struggling with gluten and lead them to the holy land.

‏‏Let’s say that you do not have a sugar challenge but maybe a food sensitivity or nutrition improvement challenge with your mom and your sister, right? And you just check in every day like we did when we did the sugar challenge. And because you’re the leader, just imagine you make a huge change or shift for your mom, no? Find somebody else, then.

‏‏Anybody wants to take on a challenge with me? Just email me and let me know. Wonderful. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you transforming the sugar, and I’m so impressed with how much integrity you have because I know the person before, and I see the person today and humongous changes. I really appreciate that.

‏‏Thank you. I think it’s important to find an outlet so that you don’t feel totally deprived. My outlet is holidays where I’ll have sugar on my birthday, I’ll have cake, or ice cream, or whatever. I don’t feel totally deprived because I know that there are set days that I can have whatever I want. That, I think, is an important tool if you feel like you’re going to not be able to last for the rest of your life without that particular thing. I mean, if it’s something that’s really bad for you, if it’s meth or something, then you should go cold turkey off that and never go back. But something like sugar, maybe it’s just holidays that you get to have it or Sundays or something, whatever.

‏‏My birthday is coming so you’re going to have cake soon.

‏‏Yeah.

‏‏Before we end, what are your three top tips for living a Stellar Life?

‏‏Find a mentor, somebody that you can model and look up to. Somebody that is extraordinary outstanding in that area. If you want to take advice from somebody, let’s say in your relationship, it shouldn’t be somebody who is going through a divorce. It shouldn’t be somebody who’s got a terrible marriage. It should be somebody who’s got an outstanding relationship.

‏‏Or don’t train with a trainer that is not a living example of what they teach. I’d rather have the people I study from be in integrity.

‏‏Yeah, exactly. Find a mentor who embodies the sorts of attributes that you want to have in that area of your life and find a way to work with that person, whether you get coaching from them or you just model their behaviors. You study everything that they’ve created, all their online courses, read their books or whatever. That’s one piece of advice. Another is to learn with the intention of teaching that thing to others, and that will increase your retention rates massively. For example, you go to a seminar, or you’re listening to a podcast like this one, and think, “Okay, this would be really good stuff for me, and I really want to learn it. Who can I affect? Who can I improve their life with this information so that I can teach it to them?” That will really help go from 30 some percent retention to maybe 90% retention just by that one intention. My third and final tip is to get off of Netflix and all the addicting binge-watching type TV shows and movies and streaming services because you can waste a lot of your life just sitting in front of the tube instead of getting out there and being a force for good and making a difference in the world.

‏‏Beautiful! Thank you so much. I appreciate you.

‏‏I appreciate you.

‏‏Yeah. It’s been a blast to have you. Thank you so much for the interview and for everything that you shared with us. And I love you.

‏‏I love you, too. I appreciate you. We’re going to do appreciations here soon, too. It’s another thing. If I could give a fourth tip, it would be to appreciate your loved one every night before you go to sleep. Three appreciations, three things that you really adore about that person, or three behaviors that they’ve done that day that you really are grateful for. It’s such a great way to end the day instead of oh yeah, can you remind me in the morning I need to do this. You forgot to take out the trash or whatever. Just end it on a high note. That makes such a huge difference and if you make it a regular habit, that could change the whole nature of your relationship.

‏‏Let’s do some appreciation for our audience.

‏‏Okay.

‏‏What do you appreciate our audience for?

‏‏I appreciate your audience for listening to me and taking on these ideas as potential suggestions for life improvement. Thank you for considering these options.

‏‏I want to thank you for listening, and following the podcast, and enjoying it. Thank you for emailing me and sharing feedback. Thank you for being here, and thank you for being who you are.

‏‏And I appreciate you, the listener, for being part of Orion’s tribe and being a loyal subscriber and listener. I’m sure this isn’t the very first episode. Statistically speaking, probably not. This isn’t the first episode that you’ve listened to. Thank you for being by her side on this journey. She’s been podcasting now for two years. I’ve seen her evolve through that process.

‏‏Thank you for my evolution. We’re going to keep on and on and on.

‏‏It doesn’t have to be three. It could be like 10 or 15.

‏‏We can totally keep going on and on, but we’re going to let you go.

‏‏We’ll keep going with our appreciation.

‏‏We’ll keep going and we’ll catch up with you on the next episode. Bye!

‏‏Bye!